So I know Valentine’s Day was yesterday, but I wanted to share our story. I wrote this about a month before we got married, just so that I could go back to it and remember all the little details that God threaded throughout our lives together and a part. Whenever I start to wonder if God really has my best interests at heart, I remind myself that I’m married to Andy Ash–of COURSE God is working all things for my good! Why do I ever doubt Him?? He IS faithful, even when I am not. And this story is a perfect example of that. 

So, it all started back in seventh grade. Cassandra and I were walking our dog, Challi, through the woods on Maxwell AFB, AL. After a while, we saw two boys playing off in the distance. One was just your average boy, brown hair. But the other one had this mess of blonde curls, was in a flight suit, and was holding a spear. He looked like so much fun, I told Cassandra we had to follow them and see what they were up to. Sadly, we never caught up to them.. (I think we decided to take a lap so that we wouldn’t be suspicious or make it obvious that we were trying to spy on them.) That was the first glimpse I had of Andy Ash.

A little while later, our moms met on the running trail or at some wives meeting, and my mom invited the Ashes over for dinner. I remember sitting down at the kid’s table with the Ash boys and talking about sports and listening to their crazy, funny stories. Andy didn’t talk much, but he was sure cute with his blonde curls and shy grin. We started going to their church on Wednesday nights, and those days quickly became my favorite day of the week. It was such a blast hanging out with all their friends and talking and playing games in the gym after. I remember the first night of youth group and Andy and I sat next to each other on the bleachers and just asked each other hundreds of questions, like What’s your favorite candy? What color of Jeep do you want? What’s your favorite band? He was the first boy I had really liked. There was something between us, that’s for sure. We both really liked each other and had a crazy crush on each other, but we both were soo nervous and I was painfully shy when it came to showing how I was feeling. We were too scared to hold hands or hug or anything. When we were sitting in church or walking together, if we brushed hands accidentally, it was all I could think about. Though we talked all the time, we never told each other how we felt. Instead, we would chat online and send each other lyrics to songs that said what we wanted to say. So song lyrics played a huge role in our relationship and how we communicated our true feelings. So our days at Maxwell were filled with playing outside on base and going to church and driving to concerts around Alabama. I loved being with the Ashes and going out to buffets for dinner after concerts and having story time while we were eating. Those are some of the best memories I have of growing up! But then the Ashes moved to Minnesota our Junior year. I remember the night he was leaving, Cassandra and I were sitting on the porch at the hotel they were staying at on base, just talking and trying not to think about them moving away. I wanted so badly to say how I was feeling, but I just couldn’t. I’ve always been bad at expressing my feelings. I didn’t want Andy to move away. I liked him so much, and I was going to miss him so much. When we finally said goodbye, Cassandra and I started walking down the hall. When we were almost out of earshot, Andy practically whispered that he loved me. I almost thought I imagined it, I couldn’t believe it! I half-turned around, but thought there was no way he said that, it would’ve been too good to be true, so I kept walking. When we got home, I knew I had to do something to show Andy that I really, truly, loved him back. I had to tell him somehow. So Cassandra and I made chocolate chip cookies and I wrote out a note that included the lyrics to Amber Pacific’s “Gone So Young”:

I never dreamt it’d be this way
I’ve lost any chance for me to say
To say that I miss you, say that I love you
Will someone please tell me I’m okay

I wasn’t prepared for what’s to come
A life made of memories gone so young
And now I’m regretting all I’ve done
But in your heart know that I’m with you all along

Wherever you go, I will be waiting
Whenever you call, I will be there
Whatever it takes, I’ll make your darkest days so bright
I’m in your heart tonight

I never thought that this could go
And take me away from all I know
And leave me to think I’m on my own
But your love will take me, you were the one

Who sat through nights
You held me tight
And made sure I’m okay
And I thank you for the love you gave to me

Wherever you go, I will be waiting
Whenever you call, I will be there
Whatever it takes, I’ll make your darkest days so bright
I’m in your heart tonight

Wherever you go, I will be waiting
Whenever you call, I will be there
Whatever it takes, I’ll make your darkest days so bright
Wherever you go, I will be waiting
Whenever you call, I will be there
Whatever it takes, I’ll make your darkest days so bright
And if I should fall, I know you’re waiting
And if I should call, I know you’re there
If ever you cry just know
I’m in your heart tonight
I’m in your heart tonight

And I meant every. single. word.

So the Ashes moved to Minnesota. But Andy and I kept IMing on the computer. And during the summers, our families went to Colorado, so we would go to Gunnison with them and go camping at Tin Cup Pass. For me, one of the major turning points in our relationship was when we were at his Grandma Anne’s house in Gunnison. It was late and everyone had gone to bed, but we stayed up talking. Somehow, I managed to get up the courage to spill my heart out to him. I guess my feelings just had to come out since I had been bottling them up inside for so long. I told him what I had been thinking all throughout high school, how I really liked him, but could never tell him because I was so scared. He couldn’t believe it. Talk about mixed signals. We talked and talked, and I just felt like we turned a huge corner in our relationship, I felt soo comfortable telling him my feelings and sharing my heart. We went outside to look at the stars and he held me close while we listened to one of our favorite songs, Tonight by FM Static. After that, we continued to talk to each other over the phone and online, while I was in Alabama and then when we moved to Colorado. I even got to go to his senior prom in Minnesota, which was such a blast, and our relationship continued to grow. 

Fast forward to the summer Cassandra and I went off to college. I assured Andy that we were fine and had nothing to worry about. He drove with his parents to Alaska, while I went off to Georgia. I’m not really sure what I was thinking during this time, but I got caught up in the excitement of the college life and didn’t respond to any of Andy’s messages. I kind of checked out. I knew it was making him super sad because I would see pictures he would post, but for some reason, I just thought I’d do my own thing for awhile, and he’d be there like always, waiting for me to come back. I honestly don’t know who that girl during freshman year was. I’ve blocked that year out of my mind because I’m not proud of who I was during that time. Good things came out of it eventually though, and for that, I’m so thankful. I also think I ended it with Andy because I’m horrible at communicating, and I was scared of being so far away. You can’t get much further a part than Georgia and Alaska. I really didn’t think things through, or have a long term plan. I just kinda ran away like I always did when faced with difficult decisions. So after a few months, after settling down into the college routine and really thinking about what had happened, I felt so awful about what I did to Andy. He didn’t deserve that at all. I felt like such a brat. So I sent him a message explaining my sorry reasons for just ignoring him and treating him like crap. He responded by saying that he had found someone else, and how I left him out to dry, and someone had come and picked him up. I had no right to feel so brokenhearted and sad, but I did. I realized the huge mistake I had made and just cried. That’s all I could do.

Throughout college, I dated a few boys. And while they were great guys, I couldn’t help but compare them to Andy. No one was as funny, silly, adventurous, cute, crazy, talkative, and sweet as him. I remember thinking that I don’t think I’ll find another Andy, and it made me so sad! So while I was no longer friends with Andy on Facebook, I could still see his girlfriend’s (at the time) profile. And Cassandra and I (okay, mostly just me) kept track of their relationship from day 1. I know I had no right to be envious, but I couldn’t help but think that that should’ve been me with Andy all along. And I could tell they just didn’t seem right for each other at all. Andy was so different, he wasn’t himself when he was with her. So anyways, they kept dating and eventually got engaged. But near the end, Cassandra and I noticed that all her pictures were no longer of Andy and her, but of her and a bunch of other guys. That was a huge red flag. I had spilled my heart out to Cassandra earlier, telling her how much I regretted what I had done to Andy and so she knew that I wanted Andy back. When we assumed that they were probably no longer engaged, we told my mom to call Dawn that day and find out what happened. A little while earlier, I had started reading this book that rocked my world and my view on God, “One Thousand Gifts.” It changed my perspective on life. And I remember driving down the street one day in Chattanooga, so content in Jesus’ love for me, that I was completely okay if I never ended up with a guy, that it would be just fine if it was me and Jesus for the rest of my life. But I also remember thinking that God loves His children so much, He wants to bless them abundantly, and why not pray for something so crazy and wild like bringing Andy back into my life? God can move mountains, He can do anything, so why not pray for that and see what happens? I was fine with either outcome. I was at peace with being alone, but I also hoped that if it was God’s will, He would bring Andy back. So I prayed that God would break off their engagement and that Andy and I would end up together. And guess what: He did just that! Shortly after our moms talked and caught up, Andy wrote me a letter, and we started writing back and forth and Skyping every day until we both moved to Colorado a few months later. I am so humbled by God answering such a massive prayer. I don’t deserve it at all, and I cry every time I think of how amazing God’s plan and timing has been throughout our story. Going back and reading my journal through high school and college, I kept asking God to show me His plan for Andy and I, because I had no idea what was going to happen, and now it is so evident that we were meant to be together all this time– He was just going to do it in His perfect timing, after we both had learned some hard, faith-stretching and strengthening lessons. I know without a shadow of a doubt that Andy and I were made for each other. I can’t describe it, but I know deep down that God meant Him for me, and I am beyond thankful and so incredibly happy to call him mine.

For as heaven is higher than earth, so My ways are higher than your ways. [Isaiah 55:9]